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| Boats in the marina...waiting. |
We had a bit of a stroke of luck last year. Mark's work load was fairly light so he was able to really put a bunch of time into getting our boat ready. This year his work load has increased to a level that is beyond full, requiring him to travel quite a bit, to work on brain taxing technical problems and to try to squeeze in a bit of boat work as well. The work relationship is a necessary one. They need the work done and since we have not won the lottery we need the funds to stockpile to pay our living expenses while we go gallivanting. It works out to a good if decideldy codependent relationship. I know that his short temper these days has more to do with trying to fit everything in with very little rest than anything we are or are not doing. I also know that this too shall pass. But its hard. Hard to know the answer is to get out sailing where Mark visibly relaxes and a calmness overtakes him and to know that the answer is still 12 months away.
Then there are the little things that are hard. Little things like my car. My car is okay but really way too small for my day to day life with a toddler in tow and a preteen as well. We really could use something that offered us the flexibility of hauling kids and/or boat refit supplies and equipment. We looked long and hard at the used car market and no matter how we crunched the numbers, to get something in decent shape would require us to take a $2500-$3000 hit over the course of 12 months. How many months of cruising would that $3,000 buy us? Almost 2 on our projected budget. Do we want to give up that time in exchange for a bit more comfort and convenience for only 12 months? No, keep your eye on the prize but as I load up the car for another day it does annoy me.
A really hard thing was giving up a long time dream of my own. I had a great career in folk music and felt like I had reached all of my goals save one- I always wanted to do children's music. Some might not get it because its not cool or hip, but I have always wanted to perform for children. When I heard that my absolute favorite of all time children's music group The Singing Kettle was searching for a new cast member, I sent in my resume, some past recordings and a short video. I thought it was a pipe dream and did not expect anything. Then they came back announcing I had made the short list and would I send in a another video? I sent it in and then Mark and I sat down and crunched numbers and logistics of moving the family and boat to Scotland, changing our sailing plans and all the changes and sacrifices that chasing this weird little dream of mine would entail.
As we waited to hear back, I came to the conclusion that the sacrifices we have made for the past 3 years would have been wasted if I were to take the position. I quite tearfully made the determination that choosing to chase the dream of cruising meant foregoing other dreams and goals. I knew I had to withdraw my name should I be invited to Scotland. It was a bit of good fortune actually, that in the end choosing a Texan for a Scottish children's group did not fit in with the Singing Kettle's needs and I did not have to write that painful letter withdrawing my name. Knowing that I had to forgo other dreams was very hard. Its not one I will be able to revisit so it really is choosing one longed for experience over another. Hard indeed.
The kids are finding waiting hard as well. Not so much Kitty, whose only real sacrifice is a backyard climbing frame/slide of her own (and man oh man would she love it) but Maura has had to give up opportunities and things in order for us to do this. We live in the epicenter of suburban/American consumerism and in order to make cruising work, we have to make different choices than our neighbors and while on the surface it might seem superficial and inconsequential, if you are 12 years old and are the only kid around not following the prescribed formula it is hard. No iPhone, they are too expensive and you won't be able to use it in a year. No competitive dance or sports because you will be leaving in a year and those require a 3 year commitment. Amassing a junior high school worthy wardrobe? You'll just have to get rid of most of it in a year and when will you wear those trendy jeans with all the gelcoat scarring studs on the boat? Other coveted gadgets and items are just more things to soak up the finances and must be gotten rid of in the name of available storage space. Maura desperately wants a sailing dinghy of her own but we don't have time to get good use out of it before we leave and where would we store it on the boat? Birthdays and Christmas are small, both for financial reasons and storage space considerations. Certainly not life or death choices but if you are 12 and giving up all of the things your friends enjoy for an unknown experience, it is hard.
So, I continue to wait. Waiting for the payoff for which we have all sacrificed. I do not begrudge those who are able to just buy a boat, step aboard and take off. I am happy that life happened in such a way to allow them to skip the waiting because some times, waiting really sucks. And blows. Simultaneously .Our life has not happened in such a way for that to be the case. We've had to sacrifice, work and wait. While the waiting can get me down, I know that no one will be more excited to finally cast off the dock lines than we. I know that all this annoying and at times maddening craziness will result in an adventure many others will never get the chance to experience and for that, I am extremely grateful. So we shall keep on keeping on and until we finally cast off our ties to land I will try to remember "Waiting is...until fullness."
Dani and I did spend some time wondering how you going to Scotland to sing would fit in with your cruising plans. We figured that you guys must be used to international travel what with Mark jumping all over the place, so we left the mystery alone. I have to say though, I didn't see how it could have worked out. Sometimes you just have to pick your dreams one at a time. Maybe you can practice your singing voice during that long passage on the Atlantic. ;)
ReplyDeleteAlso... I feel your pain on waiting. I too feel a lot of the same ways you do, but then I always remember that a huge build up marked by a specific point in time or event can often lead to a giant "let down". I try not to think of our "leaving date" as some magical transition. I try to think of this time saving money and working on the boat as just part of the big cruising journey. I like to lie to myself, "I'm already cruising!"
Thanks Tate. The choice to forego the Kettle gig is kind of a final one. I know what is involved in touring as I did it for many years and really, its a time sensitive choice. By the time we get done with our cruise (if it goes longer than a year) I'll just be past it age wise. I've done the new/startup/ suck it up musician thing and I've reached a point where the only path I would have taken was the Kettle as it is already well established (30 years!)So I am putting that particular dream to rest. The good news is I still got do more/see more/experience more in music than most people will ever get so I will just shut up and be grateful. ;)
ReplyDeleteCidnie,
ReplyDeleteI get it- finding the deprivation balance is a bitch. BUT, if i may be so bold, get Maura a dinghy. Forget all the yeah-buts (yeah, but we're leaving in a year, yeah, but there's no place to stow it on board, etc.) It's a cheap way for a kid to a) have some fun, (she needs stress relief, too) and b) add some cool cred to her peers (sure, you're dancing, but I have my own boat.)and c) allow her to learn some skills and aquatic independence, and all that good-on-the-boat type stuff. You can buy a cheap little sunfish, etc. for less than $500 and you can sell it in a year for what you paid for it, so it won't even put a dent in the cruising kitty...
... and a happier soon-to-be teen is a happier home, which is priceless.
Jonesy, if I could find a Sunfish for under $1500 yeah, we'd do it. So far that has not been the case. $1500 seems to be as cheap as they pop up even in rough shape. So in order to justify they extra expense, we have to look at use. Her school and extracurricular activities mean she would probably get a total of 3 weeks max use in a year. See why it gets tricky? That's $500 a year. I am down with a dinghy of her own but it has to be cost effective and she needs to free up time in order to use it. Can't schedule choir activities every weekend for 4 months and have time to sail- something has to give. If we were going to be here indefinitely, it would be a no-brainer but we have to put everything we do up against the Time Out/Money in equation. RIght now, I am thinking it is a really STUPID equation but that will likely change in about, oh 12 months or so.
DeleteI wondered about the Singing Kettle too, but I just figured it must fit in somehow. It does seem like it's taking forever and a half, but hopefully it will be here before you know it. As for Maura...it's just as hard with a 17 year old and with a lot less reason than the upcoming cruise! It's hard to know when to explain and blame or just say no. If it weren't the boat, it would still be something. :-( I don't think there's any perfect solution to that one.
ReplyDeleteMy heart just goes out to you! As Tom Petty once sang 'The waiting is the hardest part'. So true that we all wish we had magic wands to wave, but I'm especially sad for you that you have to give up your dream of doing the music. I can only think that there is another way that you will use your gift, and that the sailing adventure will create opportunities to use it that you haven't yet encountered. Sea ditties for kids? Entertaining kids at anchorages? I don't know, but I do know that when someone has a gift, they find a way to use it and so I will keep hoping for that for you. Meanwhile, 12 months will fly by. You'll be out there before you know it, and this 'waiting' time will be a distant memory for Maura. By the time she is a senior in highschool, she will have street cred like no other because of her interesting and unusual experiences sailing the world. What a lucky, lucky girl. What great parents you must be! It's hard when kids don't have the things others do, but many times they appreciate that when they are older. We cut off the TV when our Claire was about 8 years old because we didn't like the messages TV sent to young women. She's 27 now and she has said many times that it's the best thing we ever did. My son, age 20, feels the same way. But they didn't always think that when they were growing up.
ReplyDeleteI'm hoping you make your 12 month date! Waiting can be hard, and I can only imagine in your shoes wayy harder than anything we have deal with. You have kids that continue to grow and you have also kinda put your career and whatnot on hold.
ReplyDeleteIt will be worth it when you finally leave the dock.
As far as the car and buying new things, I bet it sucks with kids. We don't really buy anything not boat related. My shoes are all started to get scuffed, chipped and worn. I rotate out the same clothes to work every week or two. Our living room is an awful kinda of light icy blue that I so badly want to paint but can't bring myself to spend the money. It will be worth it in the end.
Just think how lucky we are to even have cars:D.
Dani, paint is cheap. If you are going to be there for 2 years go ahead and paint it. Think of it as honing your painting skills before you get busy on the boat. ;)
DeleteAre you still looking for a dinghy? My husband informed me we really should get rid of one of my boats in preparation for our move from Texas to California. :(
ReplyDeleteI would really love it if it went to another female sailor. It's a Banshee, a 12-foot unarig. Very similar to a Laser, designed by the guy who made Flying Juniors. Comes with a trailer, which is really just a flatbed trailer sans floor. I'd be willing to part with it for free, but problem is I'm in Lubbock with a three week old newborn. So someone would have to pick it up..... :(
Oh wow how I wish we could get up to Lubbock! truth is though, I don't think Maura would have enough time to make good use of it. If you really want to help out a girl sailor, contact your Girl Scout Council. I know San Jacinto Council has a wonderful sailing camp for girls at Casa Mare and they are always desperate for dinghies. So many folks donate boats to the Sea Scouts and the girls get short shrift. :( Casa Mare really is a great camp- lots of inner city and low income kids on scholarships attend. You could take the tax deduction and know you are helping introduce lots of girls to sailing who might not otherwise get an opportunity.
Deletehttp://www.gssjc.org/camp/casamare.cfm
Awesome idea! Thanks!
ReplyDelete