Friday, December 20, 2013

Some Place In Between....

We did manage a little together time to go for a walk in the woods....

Let me tell you a little secret about life once the cruise count down move to under one year. It is HARD. Not hard in a "oh my there are so many things to do" kind of hard. That can be daunting, but every completed project ticked off the list comes with a satisfying sense of accomplishment. Its not hard in an "oh my we are going to be leaving bay and forth sailing and heading out into the ocean and it kinda freaks me out" way. Anytime I start to feel a little nervous about sailing far from land, I have the assurances of friends who have done it remind me that you are safer far from the coast than closer to it. Being a little nervous and therefore respectful of the power of the ocean is a good thing and that respect is what is going to keep Ceol Mor safely sailing. No, its hard existing in this bizarre half life of waiting.

Mark just finished is official last day of work. He might have a few days of consult work here and there, but the next 10 months or so are going to be dedicated to finishing up projects and getting the boat ready to go. Its more than a little scary to be looking at a year with no income but its part of the plan. I think perhaps it was not the brightest idea to end full time employment the month of Christmas. We do not go crazy at all, but any kind of Christmas is going to be an outlay of cash and now its time to remember fun today means less fun tomorrow. Because Murphy lives in our house, of course this was the month Kitty decided to clean my laptop thoroughly with Mrs Meyers. I will say that Mrs. Meyers makes the smoke pouring forth from a dying laptop smell all lemony fresh. Not exactly a great month for the budget, but we will be okay its just a little nerve racking.

Then there are the kids and this is one of the really tough things. I want them to really enjoy all that land life has to offer them for these last 10 months. With Mark pouring his heart and soul into Ceol Mor and me running kids to and fro, this means we have a lot of "divide and conquer" going on. I keep telling myself that we are counting down to possibly more togetherness than either of us want (ha!) but it can be a little lonely trying to play Mighty Mom Of Suburbia on your own.

Mark gets to feel chuffed when he redoes, say the plumbing on the boat. Anyone who has owned a boat applauds his Herculean efforts on the boat and every project he completes is met with a  "WOW! Awesome work!" from the folks who see his work. Any mom trying to be full on Super Mom knows that no matter how good a job you do, nobody gives you high fives. I know the girls are doing well so that is thanks enough but it does contribute to making this final countdown feel a bit tough at times.The kids are doing great and are engaged, busy and happy but I have this weird 'in flux ' feeling going on. I am not really connected with everything going on in suburbia because we are leaving. Its this really bizarre feeling of being here, but at the same time NOT being here. It is existing some place in between,

Its not a place of sadness. Nor is it a place of disappointment or anxiety. Its just this really strange place to be. In all of the writings I have read, I've never seen anyone discuss how weird it is to be neither here nor there in the last year. In one on one conversation, it seems that EVERYONE has this feeling. They just never talk about it. Not certain exactly why, but there it is.

So we are rolling into 2014. 2014, the year that we will no longer be living in the in between but will be actively cruising. I am looking forward to it more than I can say. Not just because we have been actively pursuing this for over 4 years now but because it will mean that I will be living a little more in the here and now. And that is the whole point of this adventure.



12 comments:

  1. It's been a long time, but from what I remember it was just a hold your breath and hang on for the ride feeling, as you let momentum take over. Will be different next time around with kids I am sure. Just know you an always spill it all with me :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. And this is reason number 200 why i adore you so.

      Delete
  2. Yes! We are in our last year on land, too, and I am feeling the same way! It feels like I'm in limbo between land and sea, between here and there, between house and boat. Everything I look at in our house--which we have lived in and raised our kids in and filled up with STUFF for the past 20 years--now gets an imaginary sticker that reads either "Keep" or "Don't keep". Soon enough, these will be real stickers, and I will actually have to act on them. So you are not alone in feeling in-between.

    ReplyDelete
  3. We left so quickly that I never had time to experience that long transition. It was more like, "Holy crap, we will never get all this done!!" But I can see how living half on and off the boat could give you that feeling, especially while raising two awesome daughters. Whatever the case, enjoy those walks in the woods while you have them because it's all beaches from here.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. There is a lot to be said for just getting up and GOING...

      Delete
  4. I'm sorry for the odd feeling and of course the only little bit of it I understand is the mom part (no high fives, just guilt and guilt and guilt). But I'm SO excited for you and can't wait to read your adventures once you get out of limbo and onto the water!!!!!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. This was supposed to be a travel blog!!! I can;t wait until I have new places to wrote about and more importantly, to shoot!

      Delete
  5. I had a pointed and worthy comment and it went somewhere in the ether, no doubt due to the massive sugar overload I am currently experiencing due to all the baking we are doing today. But suffice to say you are truly in the liminal space just now, which can be a place of peaceful anticipation, enjoying all the fine things about living on land and recognizing in a conscious way what you will miss when at sea or at anchor. Also, too, your comments about feeling like Mark gets to have the glory are so right. And yet, you are the glue that holds it all together. Just try taking glue for granted and see what you get. A big, sloppy mess. And you know how Mark hates sloppy messiness. Just saying...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I am 100% in favor of sugar overload. Happy Christmas!

      Delete
  6. I can totally relate!! I've been feeling this strange sense of disconnection for the past few months as we are now approaching one year out. It's becoming increasingly difficult to put my all in at work (very uncharacteristic of me) and I don't find personal joy and so can't truly relate with to many things that others around me do. Shopping all the time, house decorating, child rearing, house buying and solidifying relationships with acquaintances. I just don't really care about any of it.

    Also I battle with keeping what we are planning to do to myself mostly as in the past I've been met with scepticism and found myself having to defend my choices to people, something I really dislike doing. So I find myself rather boring sometimes with people other than my husband (ok him too sometimes) since my life is so much about BOAT. I CANNOT wait to leave and I am super excited to pack alot of memories with people we love into this next year. I swear to you if we can we are going to meet in some tropical anchorage and serve you and Mark some drinks. We are so very close :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. So happy to hear I am not alone. Yes, drinks, yes drinks in a beautiful anchorage sounds like the perfect answer.

      Delete
  7. High Five Super-Mom. Just keep on keeping on....you are doing great.

    ReplyDelete