Saturday, October 1, 2011

Royale with Cheese Report

Some folks are connoisseurs of fine wine. Others can debate the merits of black versus white truffles. I am a simple gal and while others will discuss the finer points of foie gras, I'll stick with what I know. Burgers. Would I really sail around the hemisphere looking for the perfect burger? You bet I would. That's not to say I won't try conch in the Bahamas or ceviche in Venezuela or torta lingua in Mexico but I will always seek out a burger, no matter where I may roam.

In order to understand the ratings, you have to know my reference points. The best burger I have ever had was at the now defunct Pat and Pete's Blues Burger. They scored a perfect 30. 10 for atmosphere, 10 for the burger itself and 10 for the side dish. Hand formed, fat ole patty cooked on a buttered grill, artisan roll lightly toasted so it soaked up all the juices without getting soggy, topped with cream cheese and jalapenos which were put on while the burger cooked so it was all a hot, gooey chin dripping mess of goodness. Side was hand cut fresh sweet potato fries- crisp on the outside and soft on the inside served with a smoky sweetand slightly hot jalapeno gravy. Tables were adorned with butcher paper upon which rested bowls of unshelled peanuts. The floor in the 100 year old brick building was littered with peanut shells as you made your way to the Mother of All JukeBoxes- Stevie Wonder, Lightnng Hopkins, Aretha Franklin, Indigo Girls, Nine Inch Nails and Lou Reed. The beer was served at 38 degrees. Perfect.

The worst burger I have ever attempted to eat was at a roadside diner in Hayti, Missouri. Cheerless flourescent light shined down upon formica tables bereft of any adornment. The only sound the whoomp-whoomp of a ceiling fan that was badly out of balance When asked what was good, the bored and sullen young waitress said that the burgers were "okay". She was guilty of extreme embellishment, the burgers were inedible. Harder than the proverbial hockey puck, served on a  cold bun with a slab of Velveeta twelve years later I still remember it vividly. Side dish was ostensibly french fries or at least that is what the box in the freezer was labeled. Attempting to eat the so called fries was akin to chewing on wooden match sticks. They scored a 1 for ambiance because the place did have ac. That was also their grand total- 1.

So now you know the high mark and the low mark. In the future, you'll be able to find burger reviews by searching the tag 'Royale with Cheese Report'. It will be local for a while but soon enough it will be worldwide. I think its time I gave back to the blogging world and since you will never find tips on sail trim here (nor would you want to follow my lead) or step by step how tos, my little deposit in the karma bank will be to help you find what's really important- a good burger and a cold beer.

1 comment:

  1. And for your dedication to the beefy arts, I'm adding you to my personal sailing blog list of 'must reads'...I look forward to sampling the world of burgers vicariously through you.